


The Fault in Our Revolutions: A Trailer

by godbewithyouihavedone, mymotheristherepublic



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
Genre: Crack, M/M, Parody, We don't actually like The Fault in Our Stars sorry, worst crossover ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:42:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1755451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godbewithyouihavedone/pseuds/godbewithyouihavedone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymotheristherepublic/pseuds/mymotheristherepublic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am in love with you, Apollo, Enjolras. And I know that life is a hideous invention of somebody I don't know, and the only certainty is my full glass, and I am in love with you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fault in Our Revolutions: A Trailer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Extended Edition trailer of The Fault in Our Stars. We are terribly sorry about this. Our apologies to Victor Hugo, four for you Victor Hugo, you go Victor Hugo, and none for John Green, bye.
> 
> While you're at it, you can read our actual Les Mis fics, that do not involve butcheries of YA movie trailers.

_ENJOLRAS stands against the wall of the wine shop, looking up.  His blue eyes shine in the dim light._

ENJOLRAS voiceover: I believe we have a choice in this world, about how to talk about methods of social change. On the one hand, you can pretend that progress happens in a vacuum, where the ills that plague our society are not so ingrained that they cannot be fixed with peace and brotherhood.

_Flashback to the Cafe Musain. Beneath the narration, GRANTAIRE stands up unsteadily from a table and makes eye contact with ENJOLRAS, who has been interrupted in giving a speech across the room. They stare intensely for a moment._

ENJOLRAS voiceover: I like that version as much as the next republican does. But isn't the reality of our current political climate. This is our reality.

 _Peppy music plays as ENJOLRAS walks through the streets of Paris, dragging a suitcase behind him.  Cut to ENJOLRAS sitting in a lecture hall, reading_ The Social Contract _by Rousseau with his face in his hand.  Cut to ENJOLRAS hunched over a desk, writing speeches by candlelight in his room._

ENJOLRAS voiceover: This is the truth. Law school, meetings in the back of a shady cafe, prohibited literature.  And worst of all...my friends wanting to talk about things that aren't freedom for the common man.

_JEHAN stands on a table, playing a lute, singing cheerily as the other Amis watch._

JEHAN: God's not our friend and we'll all die in the end...

_JEHAN sits down as ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE make eye contact across the room._

JEHAN: Enjolras, how are you doing?

ENJOLRAS: Aside from the fact that the monarchy is still in place, alright...I guess.

JEHAN: Why don't I play another song?

All the AMIS: NO!

_JEHAN sits back down._

TITLE CARD: BASED ON THE BESTSELLING NOVEL BY VICTOR HUGO

 _ENJOLRAS reads_ The Rights of Man _by Thomas Paine_ _on a park bench, wistfully watching two fellow students debating.  Cut to ENJOLRAS sitting on a desk in he and COMBEFERRE's apartment._

COMBEFERRE: You need to have a life outside social activism.

ENJOLRAS: If you want me to care about my education, then you don't stand by while liberty suffers under the tyranny of Louis Philippe!  You have to give freedom to the people, so I can go to class and do law...

COMBEFERRE: You don't "do" law.

ENJOLRAS: That is the kind of thing I would know if the people were free.

_ENJOLRAS and COMBEFERRE stand outside the Cafe Musain before a meeting._

COMBEFERRE: Hey, actually talk to our friends about their lives.

_ENJOLRAS tries to enter the Cafe.  GRANTAIRE drunkenly stumbles into him._

ENJOLRAS: Sorry.

GRANTAIRE: Fuck off.

_GRANTAIRE stands up during the meeting, introduces himself._

GRANTAIRE: My name is Grantaire, I have believed that effective social change was a thing approximately zero times in my life.

JEHAN: Maybe you'd try to share some of the fears that visit horrific night terrors upon your mind.

GRANTAIRE: Going home alone again.

_ENJOLRAS rolls his eyes.  Cut to outside the Cafe._

GRANTAIRE: So who's your mistress?

ENJOLRAS: Patria.

GRANTAIRE: Who's your real mistress?

ENJOLRAS: Patria. Why are you staring at me?

GRANTAIRE: Because you look like Apollo.

_ENJOLRAS throws wine in his face.  GRANTAIRE pulls out another bottle and starts chugging._

ENJOLRAS: Really?  You just ruined this whole thing.

GRANTAIRE: Really?

ENJOLRAS: This whole thing.  You were doing awful before, but...

GRANTAIRE: I never drunk any.  It's a metaphor, see?  You put the thing that makes the pain go away in your stomach, but you never actually stop thinking about the pain.  A metaphor.

_Beat._

Actually, just kidding, I'm a complete alcoholic.

_ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE awkwardly sit in a carriage together._

GRANTAIRE voiceover: So what's your story?

_Cut to them sitting at the bar in the Corinth._

ENJOLRAS: After Napoleon savaged France, the monarchy was restored in 1830--

GRANTAIRE: No no, fuck's sake, can we stop talking about the revolution, what's your real story?  Your hobbies, your passions, your weird fetishes.

_Sequence of ENJOLRAS falling asleep in law class multiple times._

ENJOLRAS voiceover: I am quite unconcerned about anything save the welfare of the populace.

_Cut back to ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE talking._

GRANTAIRE: You cannot possibly be a real person.

_ENJOLRAS angrily tries to keep GRANTAIRE from stumbling as they walk down an alleyway.  Cut to JOLY and BOSSUET cornering ENJOLRAS after a meeting._

JOLY: You know Grantaire doesn't shut up about how you're a fine statue.

BOSSUET: Like, all the time.

ENJOLRAS: We are simply fellow citizens.

_GRANTAIRE attempts to give ENJOLRAS flowers as he enters the cafe, stumbles, falls on his face, and ends up throwing the flowers down a gutter._

GRANTAIRE: Not believing a single word you say doesn't keep me from thinking you're amazing.

ENJOLRAS: Grantaire, I lead a group that is determined to die for our country.  One day the barricades will rise, and I'm going to take on the National Guard without mercy, and I don't feel like you're committed enough to join me.

TITLE CARD: FROM 19TH CENTURY FRANCE

_ENJOLRAS lies in bed, reading a political pamphlet with his Rousseau book on his chest._

GRANTAIRE voiceover: You don't get to choose if this world completely fucks you over, but you do have a say in who fucks you...awww, that came out wrong.

_GRANTAIRE whispers something in ENJOLRAS's ear, wearing the Robespierre waistcoat.  Cut to ENJOLRAS refusing GRANTAIRE at the barricade._

GRANTAIRE: I am in love with you, Apollo, Enjolras. And I know that life is a hideous invention of somebody I don't know, and the only certainty is my full glass, and I am in love with you.

_ENJOLRAS stares at him, eyebrows raised._

GRANTAIRE: I'll stay here till I die.

_Cut to ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE making out in front of the Bastille._

TITLE CARD: THIS JUNE

_ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE retreat into ENJOLRAS's room, ripping off each other's clothes.  On the bed, GRANTAIRE tries to take off ENJOLRAS's shirt, and it gets stuck on his hair._

ENJOLRAS: We're like, an eagle and a chicken.

GRANTAIRE: You stole my metaphor, you bastard. You're so beautiful.

_They make out._

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR MONARCHICAL SYSTEM

_ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE sit outside the Musain.  Cut to ENJOLRAS kissing Mabeauf's forehead, crying.  Cut to ENJOLRAS and JOLY sitting at the barricade, covered in blood.  JOLY puts a hand on his forehead._

JOLY: Are you feverish?

ENJOLRAS: Get off me, I have an artillery sergeant to kill.

_Cut to GRANTAIRE drinking with JOLY and BOSSUET at the morning of Lamarque's funeral._

GRANTAIRE: You need to just get smashed.

_They pour and chug liquor._

All: YEAAAH!

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR HUMAN NATURE TO LOVE

_Pan over the barricade._

ENJOLRAS voiceover: I fell in love with him the way you want the monarchy to be overthrown.

_GRANTAIRE leans out of a carriage, driving by.  GRANTAIRE and ENJOLRAS embrace on a park bench, the Thomas Paine book pressed between them._

ENJOLRAS: Pretty much every time you think about it, but sometimes you wonder if this is really the best for the people.

_ENJOLRAS and GRANTAIRE wait at the barricade._

GRANTAIRE: This is a shitty life, Enjolras.  God makes humans put on revolutions to cover up the fact that he can't fix anything.

_Cut to GRANTAIRE standing beside ENJOLRAS in front of the National Guard._

GRANTAIRE: Do you permit it?

_ENJOLRAS (from the beginning) smiles and takes his hand.  Gunshots.  Blackout._

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR REVOLUTION

TITLE CARD: JUNE 5TH-6TH


End file.
